[She huffs another quiet laugh, because yeah, no, of course Shinji wouldn't be summoning his Persona without a really good reason. She doesn't move when he leans in, just watches him curiously until he draws out his Evoker. It does look the same as it always had, which she guesses makes sense.]
Yeah... it's in my room right now. I usually keep it hidden because it seems like it would be annoying to have to explain...
[The only person who even knows she has a Persona is Dazai, but she made a point not to tell him anything about Shinji's own power, or even imply that she had teammates who all had it. He just didn't need to know all that!
She watches the Evoker in his hands for a long few seconds before glancing up to study his face. Yeah. Shinji gets it. Out of everyone in SEES, Shinji probably understands it the most.]
Alright, I won't, then! [And a smile, more for his benefit. Ah, wait, that reminds her-]
Even if our Evokers hadn't come with us, I think we'd have been provided them anyway. I mean... look what I found in my room this morning next to my bed. I definitely didn't have this with me before, and I didn't hear anyone come in.
[She turns to rummage into her bag and pull out a certain photograph in a tasteful frame. She presents it to Shinjiro with both hands, watching his face for whatever expression he might make at what's clearly a photo of the whole team except him, from an event he definitely wasn't there for.]
[She says she won't, but will she, actually? Will she? Shinjiro knows the messy spiral of that kind of thought all too well, and even knowing just a fraction of the burden that Kotone has to bear as their leader, he knows it's going to be more difficult than just... saying no. He looks down at the Evoker for a long beat, then back up; he'll just have to keep an eye on her. That's all.
No sense beating the point into the ground, so. He hums and puts the Evoker down on the mattress, giving it one last wry look while she speaks about her mystery item. Oh, like--]
Like the bike. Uh, this girl I met said her motorbike just... showed up one day.
[And he's really not sure how to think about that, or how to think about the idea of an Evoker just showing up one day, or his axe or something, how does one explain just having a big fucking axe around the house--
But anyway, this picture. He leans forward again to see, elbows on his knees, looking at... oh.]
....Is that Mitsuru's dad?
[No, not the correct thing to notice, but wow, getting two whole Kirijos to participate in a group photo, impressive--
He isn't sure what to feel about it, is the thing. There's a tightness in his chest that threatens to collapse him entirely; he misses them plain and simple, and yet it's-- it's a funny picture? He could laugh? He doesn't laugh.
Overwhelmingly, above all else, is the thought that they're okay without him. Bittersweet all the way down.]
[Well that's way cooler than some picture! Even if these are some of the most important people in the world (according to her). It does make her wonder what else might show up. Other pictures? Her cool feathery naginata she had to sacrifice one of her Personas to get? Other Personas??
But right, no, the picture. She nods and winces a little bit, rip Mr. Kirijo. Is... is she supposed to be the one to tell Shinji that he was killed, too? By Ikutsuki? Man there is a lot to get into with that, so maybe that can be Later, too.]
I'm pretty sure it was all Junpei's fault. I think he was trying to get all of us girls to stand around him...
[Better to throw Junpei under the bus than bring up why they were all together with Mitsuru's dad. She keeps her eyes on him, wishing she could read his mind. Even if they're the same arcana, Sandalphon is absolutely no help at all.]
Do you want it...? [It's a soft question, gently probing. Talk to her, buddy.]
[A Whole Bike. Weird, right, much weirder than this picture, which at least is small enough to fit on a desk. There's nothing in particular Shinjiro can think of that he'd like to show up, mostly because, uh, he left almost all of his worldly possessions in a box on his desk at the dorm and it was only like four things, soooo--
Well, not much to wonder about there. This little magical ice dog is now 200% more personal trinkets than he'd previously owned, which is something.]
Of course he was. Idiot.
[Sorry, Junpei... He means that with at least some lingering affection? Granted, he spent arguably the least time around Junpei during his brief return to SEES, but the guy's... okay. He liked the food, that one time; that's the bare minimum.
Still: oh, and his expression tightens when she asks him that, and he glances up at her with a furrowed brow and some shade of a grimace before he looks at the picture again. Don't ask him that, why would she ask him that, what the hell is she thinking—]
It's yours. [This is not an answer, oops.] You keep it. What would I do with a picture, anyway...
[Look at it and feel sad, probably, and he's gotten enough practice at that. He's not even in the picture, so wouldn't it be weird to keep it for himself—? Whatever. Whatever!]
[C'mon, senpai, that was an easy one to hit back. She draws it back into herself, keeping it in her lap as she gazes down at it. It's a pleasant reminder of the fun they'd had before even more things had gone wrong, but it is a visible reminder of someone who's here with her now, but wasn't with them then -- and everyone else in this picture isn't here. It's a weird mix of emotions to have.]
They're your friends, too. I thought maybe you'd like to have it.
[And that's really what it boils down to -- why would she keep something for herself if there's someone who might be happy to have it? It doesn't even have to be happier than she would be, but just happy at all.]
[Don't use logic at him, that's unfair. He doesn't have anything to say back to that; yes, yes, she has a point, but he just can't conceptualize a picture of his friends sitting on the desk in this room, like it's...
Well. It's not important. He frowns more pointedly, eyebrows lifting; now he sees the other half of what she's doing here, and ah - no? Stop that. Again:]
It's yours. Don't give it away.
[Wholly unrelated to his own unresolved mess of emotions about the rest of their friends, he's completely sure in his insistence that she not give up the picture if it means she's not looking out for herself. He's a pro at that one, no amount of bubbly cheer can pull this particular wool over his eyes. Hmph!!]
If you want, I... [god he feels stupid saying something like "I'll share it" but that's fundamentally what this suggestion is about to be, do not get on him for this-] I'll come by and look at it. Sometimes. But you should hold onto it.
[She hums, not entire convinced, but alright. He's the only one she'd give it away to, anyway; it's not like there's anyone else (yet) that she would want to.
She can't help but snort a little laugh at his suggestion, though, because sorry but it does sound really funny when he puts it that way. It is kind of what she'd been suggesting herself, though, isn't it? So she's laughing at the both of them, really.]
Are you saying you'd be okay coming to my room, Senpai?
[She can't not tease him when he says things like that, throwing in a wink for good measure, but she does tighten her grip a little on the picture and nod. Alright, alright, she gets it.]
[And the melancholy mood goes right out the window--]
Y-You— You're in my room right now!
[Oh my god! He's going to evaporate into thin air, one of these days, and then who will she tease? He knows it doesn't help his case to react with so much huffing and puffing, but he earnestly can't help it; it's all he can do to grumble and drag a hand over his face, exasperated. A regular comedy routine, here...
[She breaks out into proper laughter, some of it from Shinji's reaction, most of it from the heavy atmosphere bursting like a bubble. It's all she could have hoped for, really; a little embarrassment for Shinjiro to reset the mood.]
Sorry. I really don't mind, though.
[It isn't like the dorm. She's pretty sure nobody cares who goes to whose room.]
Have you made any more friends? Kept yourself out of trouble?
[People who, once she finds a camera, she can take a picture of for Shinji to keep?]
[Grumble mumble he endures so much, let him rest. But it's absolutely true that no one cares about going into each other's rooms here, because every time he tries to deliver snacks and disappear he winds up invited into a room for Friendship and he's still getting used to that.
He shrugs, though. Kept himself out of trouble, hah...]
Who put you in charge? [ha ha, his little leader joke,] I haven't met anybody else since the last time you asked. Only got in one fight, too.
[Now, in his defense, casually talking about how often he and Akihiko punch each other in the face is normal to him, so why wouldn't he just tell her this too... ahem.]
[Oh, look at the clock, it's time for friendship. Oh no, the clock's broken, it's always time for friendship-
His little joke does make her giggle a little, but it fades almost immediately because excuse you.]
What? With who? [She sits up straighter, leader mode: activated! Because it's one thing if it's him and Akihiko, that's like, their weird thing, but if it's just random people...] What happened?
[Her voice is a funny mix of concern and something that almost sounds like she's offended, because how dare someone fight Shinji. Sure, he looks like a punk, but you only have to talk to him for like thirty seconds to see that he's a softie.]
[Now she's just confused and kind of skeptical. Is this another one of those weird boy-things where they fight each other because they don't know how to express their emotions in any other way...]
Did you cut the inside of your mouth again? [Like when Akihiko punched him...]
[Why didn't he just say "dodge" louder so Mikey would miss? She just looks more exasperated than anything, scooting her chair in one solid motion until she's directly in his personal space and leaning in to look for a bruise.]
[Oh, okay, so he is in trouble this time, that's new— he makes a face at her for getting all up in his zone like this, but the bruise is under his hair, anyway, so she can stare if she really wants.]
I told you what happened. He wanted to fight, then he got me in the head. What's the problem? It wasn't a real fight.
[Considering the way she's seen him fight, anyway. She can't see the bruise under his hair, but she does reach out and gently poke him where he'd gestured to.]
[Hey, ow? That makes him scoff and tilt his head the other way, nudging at her hand with the back of his own. No, he has not been to any magic healers, that shit still hurts.]
No, he kicked me. Got better reach than I expected from someone as short as him.
[That's... kind of impressive. They'd only met briefly, but she's pretty sure Mikey isn't any taller than she is.
She lets him nudge her hand away, but it's not without a little frown.]
I know you've always done your own thing, but at least let me know...?
[She could say she'd do the same thing for any one of her teammates and it wouldn't be a complete lie, but also it's not hard to remember what Shinji had looked like in that hospital bed. Maybe she can be excused for being more concerned than usual.
But she still cracks a smile as if it's not a big deal at all.]
Sanada-senpai would be really mad at me if you got hurt on my watch, after all.
[And that comes out far too quickly for him to brush off as just a casual observation, but they've already both made despairing faces at that picture of hers, so— so yeah, Aki isn't here, and that's a relief and it's terrible and Aki isn't the boss of him, anyway.
Moving on. He's fine.]
Look, it won't happen again, alright? I'm serious. It's not like I like getting kicked in the head.
[She winces and sits back. Critical miss on making a lighthearted joke. She should have known better than to mention Akihiko on the heels of their earlier discussion.]
...Yeah. Sorry. [She tries for the smile again.] Besides, no way he'll get you with the same trick twice, right? You'll be watching out for it.
[Because she just assumes they'll end up fighting again, even if it's not because Shinji's seeking it out.]
But okay. I trust you to tell me if something's wrong.
[Ah, how embarrassing, don't ever remember that he had that 5-second outburst, thanks. He scoffs, looking away in order to make quiet any errant thoughts about people who aren't here. Now's not the time, maybe there never will be a time, whatever.]
....Right. If that's his only trick, he showed it way too soon.
[But he doesn't want any more concussions, so the plan is to not get kicked at all. Wouldn't it be nice. Still, was this really a "something's wrong"... he's never doubted that Kotone cares, but hmm.]
What else... [should he opt to tell her about rather than keep it to himself, work with him here.]
[Buddy, it's outbursts like that which are exactly "what else" he should talk to her about! But she gets it. It's hard to talk about yourself in any kind of meaningful way, let alone your emotions. Even she hasn't really figured out how she feels about a lot of it, and it doesn't feel right to burden Shinji with her problems.
Ah. Hm. Maybe they're more alike than she realized.]
Hey. [She nudges his leg with her foot.] If I ask you for something, you won't think I'm weak or unreliable, right...?
[Her tone is as light as always, and she keeps her smile right where it is, but there's a little bit of uncertainty in the set of her eyes no matter how she tries to hide it.]
[It's absolutely that, but like, Later. Again, Later. They can wade through only so many deeply emotional moments in a single morning; he's going to have to go back to bed after this, good god.
That said, despite everything, he doesn't have to think about it at all before he answers:]
'Course not. [That she's up there in the running for the strongest and most reliable person he knows full stop is part of the whole thing, isn't it? Those things are immutable; she can still take breaks. So,] Why? What's up?
[Having a deeply emotional conversation early in the morning means the whole day is left for later breakdowns! It's called being a pro gamer.
On some level, she knew that he'd say that, but the lack of hesitation when he answers really does make her feel better. He didn't have to think about how to dance around it or phrase it more delicately. He never does; he just says exactly what he means. It's one of his most admirable traits.
If they're not going to talk about their respective emotions, maybe she can at least show him how much she appreciates him being here with her to have them. It's a deceptively simple request, but she still has to take a breath before asking quietly,]
Can I give you a hug?
[It's something she'd wanted to do when she'd first seen him, after all, but hadn't wanted to infringe on his personal space. Now, though, maybe it's okay. Akihiko, Mitsuru, and the rest might not be here, but she wants him to know that she's here for him, not just as leader, but hopefully as his friend.]
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Yeah... it's in my room right now. I usually keep it hidden because it seems like it would be annoying to have to explain...
[The only person who even knows she has a Persona is Dazai, but she made a point not to tell him anything about Shinji's own power, or even imply that she had teammates who all had it. He just didn't need to know all that!
She watches the Evoker in his hands for a long few seconds before glancing up to study his face. Yeah. Shinji gets it. Out of everyone in SEES, Shinji probably understands it the most.]
Alright, I won't, then! [And a smile, more for his benefit. Ah, wait, that reminds her-]
Even if our Evokers hadn't come with us, I think we'd have been provided them anyway. I mean... look what I found in my room this morning next to my bed. I definitely didn't have this with me before, and I didn't hear anyone come in.
[She turns to rummage into her bag and pull out a certain photograph in a tasteful frame. She presents it to Shinjiro with both hands, watching his face for whatever expression he might make at what's clearly a photo of the whole team except him, from an event he definitely wasn't there for.]
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No sense beating the point into the ground, so. He hums and puts the Evoker down on the mattress, giving it one last wry look while she speaks about her mystery item. Oh, like--]
Like the bike. Uh, this girl I met said her motorbike just... showed up one day.
[And he's really not sure how to think about that, or how to think about the idea of an Evoker just showing up one day, or his axe or something, how does one explain just having a big fucking axe around the house--
But anyway, this picture. He leans forward again to see, elbows on his knees, looking at... oh.]
....Is that Mitsuru's dad?
[No, not the correct thing to notice, but wow, getting two whole Kirijos to participate in a group photo, impressive--
He isn't sure what to feel about it, is the thing. There's a tightness in his chest that threatens to collapse him entirely; he misses them plain and simple, and yet it's-- it's a funny picture? He could laugh? He doesn't laugh.
Overwhelmingly, above all else, is the thought that they're okay without him. Bittersweet all the way down.]
Well, that's pretty typical of everyone, huh.
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A whole bike...
[Well that's way cooler than some picture! Even if these are some of the most important people in the world (according to her). It does make her wonder what else might show up. Other pictures? Her cool feathery naginata she had to sacrifice one of her Personas to get? Other Personas??
But right, no, the picture. She nods and winces a little bit, rip Mr. Kirijo. Is... is she supposed to be the one to tell Shinji that he was killed, too? By Ikutsuki? Man there is a lot to get into with that, so maybe that can be Later, too.]
I'm pretty sure it was all Junpei's fault. I think he was trying to get all of us girls to stand around him...
[Better to throw Junpei under the bus than bring up why they were all together with Mitsuru's dad. She keeps her eyes on him, wishing she could read his mind. Even if they're the same arcana, Sandalphon is absolutely no help at all.]
Do you want it...? [It's a soft question, gently probing. Talk to her, buddy.]
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Well, not much to wonder about there. This little magical ice dog is now 200% more personal trinkets than he'd previously owned, which is something.]
Of course he was. Idiot.
[Sorry, Junpei... He means that with at least some lingering affection? Granted, he spent arguably the least time around Junpei during his brief return to SEES, but the guy's... okay. He liked the food, that one time; that's the bare minimum.
Still: oh, and his expression tightens when she asks him that, and he glances up at her with a furrowed brow and some shade of a grimace before he looks at the picture again. Don't ask him that, why would she ask him that, what the hell is she thinking—]
It's yours. [This is not an answer, oops.] You keep it. What would I do with a picture, anyway...
[Look at it and feel sad, probably, and he's gotten enough practice at that. He's not even in the picture, so wouldn't it be weird to keep it for himself—? Whatever. Whatever!]
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[C'mon, senpai, that was an easy one to hit back. She draws it back into herself, keeping it in her lap as she gazes down at it. It's a pleasant reminder of the fun they'd had before even more things had gone wrong, but it is a visible reminder of someone who's here with her now, but wasn't with them then -- and everyone else in this picture isn't here. It's a weird mix of emotions to have.]
They're your friends, too. I thought maybe you'd like to have it.
[And that's really what it boils down to -- why would she keep something for herself if there's someone who might be happy to have it? It doesn't even have to be happier than she would be, but just happy at all.]
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Well. It's not important. He frowns more pointedly, eyebrows lifting; now he sees the other half of what she's doing here, and ah - no? Stop that. Again:]
It's yours. Don't give it away.
[Wholly unrelated to his own unresolved mess of emotions about the rest of their friends, he's completely sure in his insistence that she not give up the picture if it means she's not looking out for herself. He's a pro at that one, no amount of bubbly cheer can pull this particular wool over his eyes. Hmph!!]
If you want, I... [god he feels stupid saying something like "I'll share it" but that's fundamentally what this suggestion is about to be, do not get on him for this-] I'll come by and look at it. Sometimes. But you should hold onto it.
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She can't help but snort a little laugh at his suggestion, though, because sorry but it does sound really funny when he puts it that way. It is kind of what she'd been suggesting herself, though, isn't it? So she's laughing at the both of them, really.]
Are you saying you'd be okay coming to my room, Senpai?
[She can't not tease him when he says things like that, throwing in a wink for good measure, but she does tighten her grip a little on the picture and nod. Alright, alright, she gets it.]
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Y-You— You're in my room right now!
[Oh my god! He's going to evaporate into thin air, one of these days, and then who will she tease? He knows it doesn't help his case to react with so much huffing and puffing, but he earnestly can't help it; it's all he can do to grumble and drag a hand over his face, exasperated. A regular comedy routine, here...
God. Okay. He's fine.]
Come on. Don't be like that.
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Sorry. I really don't mind, though.
[It isn't like the dorm. She's pretty sure nobody cares who goes to whose room.]
Have you made any more friends? Kept yourself out of trouble?
[People who, once she finds a camera, she can take a picture of for Shinji to keep?]
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He shrugs, though. Kept himself out of trouble, hah...]
Who put you in charge? [ha ha, his little leader joke,] I haven't met anybody else since the last time you asked. Only got in one fight, too.
[Now, in his defense, casually talking about how often he and Akihiko punch each other in the face is normal to him, so why wouldn't he just tell her this too... ahem.]
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His little joke does make her giggle a little, but it fades almost immediately because excuse you.]
What? With who? [She sits up straighter, leader mode: activated! Because it's one thing if it's him and Akihiko, that's like, their weird thing, but if it's just random people...] What happened?
[Her voice is a funny mix of concern and something that almost sounds like she's offended, because how dare someone fight Shinji. Sure, he looks like a punk, but you only have to talk to him for like thirty seconds to see that he's a softie.]
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Huh? This Mikey guy who wanted to fight me... I'm fine. Don't worry about it.
[Oops, did he miss a memo, was it not cool to let Mikey kick him in the head. He shrugs, like, really! He is fine!]
It wasn't a serious fight.
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[Now she's just confused and kind of skeptical. Is this another one of those weird boy-things where they fight each other because they don't know how to express their emotions in any other way...]
Did you cut the inside of your mouth again? [Like when Akihiko punched him...]
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Nah, he got me higher in the head than that.
[Here, he points at the side of his head, like that's fine. It is fine.]
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[Why didn't he just say "dodge" louder so Mikey would miss? She just looks more exasperated than anything, scooting her chair in one solid motion until she's directly in his personal space and leaning in to look for a bruise.]
What happened?
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I told you what happened. He wanted to fight, then he got me in the head. What's the problem? It wasn't a real fight.
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[Considering the way she's seen him fight, anyway. She can't see the bruise under his hair, but she does reach out and gently poke him where he'd gestured to.]
Did he break his hand from hitting you like that?
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No, he kicked me. Got better reach than I expected from someone as short as him.
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She lets him nudge her hand away, but it's not without a little frown.]
I know you've always done your own thing, but at least let me know...?
[She could say she'd do the same thing for any one of her teammates and it wouldn't be a complete lie, but also it's not hard to remember what Shinji had looked like in that hospital bed. Maybe she can be excused for being more concerned than usual.
But she still cracks a smile as if it's not a big deal at all.]
Sanada-senpai would be really mad at me if you got hurt on my watch, after all.
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[And that comes out far too quickly for him to brush off as just a casual observation, but they've already both made despairing faces at that picture of hers, so— so yeah, Aki isn't here, and that's a relief and it's terrible and Aki isn't the boss of him, anyway.
Moving on. He's fine.]
Look, it won't happen again, alright? I'm serious. It's not like I like getting kicked in the head.
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...Yeah. Sorry. [She tries for the smile again.] Besides, no way he'll get you with the same trick twice, right? You'll be watching out for it.
[Because she just assumes they'll end up fighting again, even if it's not because Shinji's seeking it out.]
But okay. I trust you to tell me if something's wrong.
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....Right. If that's his only trick, he showed it way too soon.
[But he doesn't want any more concussions, so the plan is to not get kicked at all. Wouldn't it be nice. Still, was this really a "something's wrong"... he's never doubted that Kotone cares, but hmm.]
What else... [should he opt to tell her about rather than keep it to himself, work with him here.]
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Ah. Hm. Maybe they're more alike than she realized.]
Hey. [She nudges his leg with her foot.] If I ask you for something, you won't think I'm weak or unreliable, right...?
[Her tone is as light as always, and she keeps her smile right where it is, but there's a little bit of uncertainty in the set of her eyes no matter how she tries to hide it.]
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That said, despite everything, he doesn't have to think about it at all before he answers:]
'Course not. [That she's up there in the running for the strongest and most reliable person he knows full stop is part of the whole thing, isn't it? Those things are immutable; she can still take breaks. So,] Why? What's up?
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On some level, she knew that he'd say that, but the lack of hesitation when he answers really does make her feel better. He didn't have to think about how to dance around it or phrase it more delicately. He never does; he just says exactly what he means. It's one of his most admirable traits.
If they're not going to talk about their respective emotions, maybe she can at least show him how much she appreciates him being here with her to have them. It's a deceptively simple request, but she still has to take a breath before asking quietly,]
Can I give you a hug?
[It's something she'd wanted to do when she'd first seen him, after all, but hadn't wanted to infringe on his personal space. Now, though, maybe it's okay. Akihiko, Mitsuru, and the rest might not be here, but she wants him to know that she's here for him, not just as leader, but hopefully as his friend.]
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