[Having a deeply emotional conversation early in the morning means the whole day is left for later breakdowns! It's called being a pro gamer.
On some level, she knew that he'd say that, but the lack of hesitation when he answers really does make her feel better. He didn't have to think about how to dance around it or phrase it more delicately. He never does; he just says exactly what he means. It's one of his most admirable traits.
If they're not going to talk about their respective emotions, maybe she can at least show him how much she appreciates him being here with her to have them. It's a deceptively simple request, but she still has to take a breath before asking quietly,]
Can I give you a hug?
[It's something she'd wanted to do when she'd first seen him, after all, but hadn't wanted to infringe on his personal space. Now, though, maybe it's okay. Akihiko, Mitsuru, and the rest might not be here, but she wants him to know that she's here for him, not just as leader, but hopefully as his friend.]
But oh— jeez, is that it? Is that it, he thinks, like he doesn't take a moment to just stare at her in mild surprise. Of course she would ask something like that, and of course she would actually ask first, because she knows him well enough to do that at all— mmph.
The thought comes crashing back in now, like with the picture— just how small everything feels without the rest of SEES around. Even for Shinjiro, who has purposely kept the scope of his existence limited to like, three people tops for years and years, it really is lonely, just the two of them.
....But maybe he shouldn't think about how absent the others are, and instead how Kotone is here, and alright, if he's already made up his mind to support her—]
....
[Well, talking about it is still right out, actually, haha. God, he's not that good. So. In the absence of any words that sound good enough for what her presence here does mean to him, he simply helplessly holds out his arms.]
[It's not that she didn't have friends before SEES -- of course she did, if only because talking to people around her and spending time with them made the silence when she she did go back to an empty house a little more bearable. But after she moved to Iwatodai, none of them ever messaged her or called her. Out of sight, out of mind, right? It's not like she called any of them, either.
It wasn't like that with SEES, though. They didn't always get along, sure, and sometimes they fought or yelled at each other, but...
She exhales quietly through her nose while she waits for Shinji to answer, nervous in spite of herself. He probably doesn't get it, huh? It's not just that it's a second chance to get to know him, to spend more time with him like she'd wanted back in October; it's that she can trust him with just about anything, if only she could get over her own reluctance to speak about it. He's the only one she has who really gets even half of what they'd been through, and she'd sooner cut off her own hand than have him think that he can't take hers for support.
So when he finally opens his arms, she can't help but laugh a little with relief, some of the tension that had been building in her shoulders melting away; she pushes herself out of her chair to sit next to him on the bed and wrap her arms tightly around his chest, burying her face in his shoulder. He's solid, breathing on his own and unmistakably alive.]
Thanks. [Her voice is muffled against his shoulder, and if he wants to think this is purely for her benefit, well, that's fine. Her pride isn't that fragile.]
[Ah, but when was the last time Shinji actually hugged someone, he can't help but wonder about that in the seconds it takes Kotone to join him on the bed— and she gets right in there, which helps him to get over his split-second of stiff awkwardness before he wraps his arms around her in a snug embrace. Sure, if some of their fussier friends were to know about this, they'd all burst into flame, but whatever; Shinji doesn't much care about any of that.
Hugging someone is kind of weird, isn't it? Like, when is he supposed to let go before it becomes uncomfortable— but he'll let her make that call, content for the moment to just sit here like this. Go figure; now in the midst of it, he... enjoys hugs...?
God, being a person with emotions is the most embarrassing thing anyone can ever do. Shinji is so relieved he can stare over her head at the opposite wall while he reconciles having emotions for like the fourth time this morning.
But he does give her a little hair ruffle, unmistakably fond, when she speaks into his shoulder.]
[Listen, if they decide to show up here, her other friends can get in on this hug train, too! No need to combust about it being inappropriate or weird if she's hugging them all at once. And, honestly -- she can count the number of times she's been hugged recently on one hand. This is really, really nice. She inhales a soft breath and closes her eyes, squeezing him just a little more tightly.
She can't help but laugh when he ruffles her hair, scrunching up her nose a little because it's definitely going to mess up her ponytail, but -- it's fine if it's Shinji doing it. She opens her mouth to let him know that she always counts on him, in (almost) any situation, but then he drops that last bit on her and she has to close her mouth against a sudden wave of her own emotion. Oh...
Like, she knew that. It's not like it's some kind of big revelation. Shinji doesn't have to say those kinds of things out loud for her to know it. But hearing him go through the effort of voicing it aloud is a lot. She has to suck in another tiny breath to try to contain her pleased little relief.]
Yeah... me, too.
[She wasn't supposed to be. Hell, neither of them were supposed to have this kind of chance, and while she's not normally a crier, there's a definite threat of happy tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Now that, she definitely can't let Shinji see -- he'll freak out at best, and think less of her at worse. So--]
Can I stay like this just a little longer...? [Until she's certain she won't cry.]
[Okay, but they have to hug train in someone else's room, he'll actually die for real if the whole gang is up in his space and can see his one (1) trinket—
Still:]
You're not gonna fall asleep on me, are you?
[He's kind of serious? She runs herself ragged with her leader behavior, and it would not be the first time someone here just whole-ass passed out on him, so maybe it's going to be a pattern. But it's also his little joke, because, like - yeah, obviously she can stay. He knows he's not the softest and cuddliest from their little team (literally), but if he seriously wanted her to let go, it'd be obvious.
Mercifully, he does not ruffle her hair again. It's fine to just sit like this, vaguely looking at the wall; if he had to look her in the face and see even the vaguest glimpse of tears he would absolutely freak out and he knows it, too, so - this, then, is best.
Maybe open sentimentality is fine, actually. He'll waffle back and forth about this a few more times before noon, certainly, because how can he really know that this is a thing he's actually earned? But all said,]
'S fine. ....If you're good, I'm good, so take your time...?
[no that sounds stupid as soon as he says it!! whatever.]
It's really early. Maybe I will! [That is a Threat, softened with a laugh as she closes her eyes and relaxes. Just another minute or two, then she'll get out of his metaphorical hair and literal arms.
Anyway, it's normal to be tired in the morning, right? She doesn't want to worry him by letting on how difficult mornings can sometimes be, how much her exhaustion feels like it seeps into her very bones. She exhales a soft sigh and turns her head to bonk it lightly against him.]
You're good at giving hugs. I might get used to this if you're not careful.
[Really it's just because he's actually holding her back and not trying to make her let go, but hey! Positive reinforcement. And she doesn't know how to say it in a way that won't embarrass him further, but hopefully he gets it -- he can do this any time he wants, too.]
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On some level, she knew that he'd say that, but the lack of hesitation when he answers really does make her feel better. He didn't have to think about how to dance around it or phrase it more delicately. He never does; he just says exactly what he means. It's one of his most admirable traits.
If they're not going to talk about their respective emotions, maybe she can at least show him how much she appreciates him being here with her to have them. It's a deceptively simple request, but she still has to take a breath before asking quietly,]
Can I give you a hug?
[It's something she'd wanted to do when she'd first seen him, after all, but hadn't wanted to infringe on his personal space. Now, though, maybe it's okay. Akihiko, Mitsuru, and the rest might not be here, but she wants him to know that she's here for him, not just as leader, but hopefully as his friend.]
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But oh— jeez, is that it? Is that it, he thinks, like he doesn't take a moment to just stare at her in mild surprise. Of course she would ask something like that, and of course she would actually ask first, because she knows him well enough to do that at all— mmph.
The thought comes crashing back in now, like with the picture— just how small everything feels without the rest of SEES around. Even for Shinjiro, who has purposely kept the scope of his existence limited to like, three people tops for years and years, it really is lonely, just the two of them.
....But maybe he shouldn't think about how absent the others are, and instead how Kotone is here, and alright, if he's already made up his mind to support her—]
....
[Well, talking about it is still right out, actually, haha. God, he's not that good. So. In the absence of any words that sound good enough for what her presence here does mean to him, he simply helplessly holds out his arms.]
C'mon, get over here.
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It wasn't like that with SEES, though. They didn't always get along, sure, and sometimes they fought or yelled at each other, but...
She exhales quietly through her nose while she waits for Shinji to answer, nervous in spite of herself. He probably doesn't get it, huh? It's not just that it's a second chance to get to know him, to spend more time with him like she'd wanted back in October; it's that she can trust him with just about anything, if only she could get over her own reluctance to speak about it. He's the only one she has who really gets even half of what they'd been through, and she'd sooner cut off her own hand than have him think that he can't take hers for support.
So when he finally opens his arms, she can't help but laugh a little with relief, some of the tension that had been building in her shoulders melting away; she pushes herself out of her chair to sit next to him on the bed and wrap her arms tightly around his chest, burying her face in his shoulder. He's solid, breathing on his own and unmistakably alive.]
Thanks. [Her voice is muffled against his shoulder, and if he wants to think this is purely for her benefit, well, that's fine. Her pride isn't that fragile.]
no subject
Hugging someone is kind of weird, isn't it? Like, when is he supposed to let go before it becomes uncomfortable— but he'll let her make that call, content for the moment to just sit here like this. Go figure; now in the midst of it, he... enjoys hugs...?
God, being a person with emotions is the most embarrassing thing anyone can ever do. Shinji is so relieved he can stare over her head at the opposite wall while he reconciles having emotions for like the fourth time this morning.
But he does give her a little hair ruffle, unmistakably fond, when she speaks into his shoulder.]
Yeah. Count on me.
[Mmm.... mmmmm...] I'm... glad you're here.
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She can't help but laugh when he ruffles her hair, scrunching up her nose a little because it's definitely going to mess up her ponytail, but -- it's fine if it's Shinji doing it. She opens her mouth to let him know that she always counts on him, in (almost) any situation, but then he drops that last bit on her and she has to close her mouth against a sudden wave of her own emotion. Oh...
Like, she knew that. It's not like it's some kind of big revelation. Shinji doesn't have to say those kinds of things out loud for her to know it. But hearing him go through the effort of voicing it aloud is a lot. She has to suck in another tiny breath to try to contain her pleased little relief.]
Yeah... me, too.
[She wasn't supposed to be. Hell, neither of them were supposed to have this kind of chance, and while she's not normally a crier, there's a definite threat of happy tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Now that, she definitely can't let Shinji see -- he'll freak out at best, and think less of her at worse. So--]
Can I stay like this just a little longer...? [Until she's certain she won't cry.]
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Still:]
You're not gonna fall asleep on me, are you?
[He's kind of serious? She runs herself ragged with her leader behavior, and it would not be the first time someone here just whole-ass passed out on him, so maybe it's going to be a pattern. But it's also his little joke, because, like - yeah, obviously she can stay. He knows he's not the softest and cuddliest from their little team (literally), but if he seriously wanted her to let go, it'd be obvious.
Mercifully, he does not ruffle her hair again. It's fine to just sit like this, vaguely looking at the wall; if he had to look her in the face and see even the vaguest glimpse of tears he would absolutely freak out and he knows it, too, so - this, then, is best.
Maybe open sentimentality is fine, actually. He'll waffle back and forth about this a few more times before noon, certainly, because how can he really know that this is a thing he's actually earned? But all said,]
'S fine. ....If you're good, I'm good, so take your time...?
[no that sounds stupid as soon as he says it!! whatever.]
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Anyway, it's normal to be tired in the morning, right? She doesn't want to worry him by letting on how difficult mornings can sometimes be, how much her exhaustion feels like it seeps into her very bones. She exhales a soft sigh and turns her head to bonk it lightly against him.]
You're good at giving hugs. I might get used to this if you're not careful.
[Really it's just because he's actually holding her back and not trying to make her let go, but hey! Positive reinforcement. And she doesn't know how to say it in a way that won't embarrass him further, but hopefully he gets it -- he can do this any time he wants, too.]